Resting

The past couple of weeks, neigh, the past few months, have been a struggle. Well, Ok if I'm going to be really honest the last year has been rough. As a small business owner, as a wife, as a mother, as a christian, as a person, life has been a little rough. I really can't and shouldn't complain because I know that life really can be and is much rougher that how I have it but from my point of view it's been hard. In a nutshell, the certainty I once experienced in all areas of my life have been shaken away from me. I have been pushed to the brink of all that I thought I knew. I have looked into the dark abyss of uncertainty. I can't stand it here any longer. I can't make my circumstances change and not for lack of trying. But after all this struggle of trying, of pushing, of screaming I have come to the conclusion that I can't do it. I just can't. I will go insane if I keep trying. So I will rest. Rest in the Lord. Rest and trust that He knows. Rest and try as I may to believe that He will care for me. Rest. Day by day it is and will be a struggle, a struggle with my circumstances or a struggle to give in to God. And maybe one day I can just simply rest without the struggle of wanting control.

Afraid of change

Oh change, I do not like you. Even as a kid I mourned when we sold our ugly, old suburban. Or when we upgraded our table and chairs. And the tragedy that ensued when we moved from my childhood home. I am a strange person I realize. Even when the change is for the better I sulk. So I have always been reluctant for change. This is why I probably will never move out of this old house. All that said, I am realizing I am in a period of massive changes. My coffee shop needed major changes, so we made them. It was hard. I really didn't want to do it. But it needed to happen. My sister left for Africa. A sister who is my closest friend. Oh is there anything else left that can change. Yes. Now one of my close friends who has helped so much at the coffee shop has grown up and gotten herself a real-full-time-with-health-benefits kind of a job, so now she has to leave us. Oh sad day. It doesn't sound like much I suppose but all these changes have been within about a months time and well that's just too many changes for me. But I have to believe God has a plan for me and for the coffee shop. And the more changes that occur the more I realize I am not in control, nor have I ever been in control. I need to let go. I need to trust in the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-6. Time for change

To Grow

Today is the day to grow, to take a leap of faith, to change your thoughts, your patterns, your circumstances. Take that first step. That first step is the hardest to take. But in life each day that you only think about changing your (fill in the blank) but not take a step to change it only sets you back further.
Mostly, this is a reminder to myself.

Things I've been wanting to change for quite some time.
Eat healthier
Exercise
Be more organized
Get more involved in my community
Follow my love of photography

So have I done anything? I'm happy to report that I am cutting down on my late night snacking. That I run, albiet about once or twice a week, but hey gotta start somewhere. That I am much more involved my my coffee shop and staff. And for the first time ever, I am taking a photography class. I am still trying to motivate myself to being more organized :( I will have to take that step soon and I'm sure I will be glad that I did when I do! So what are you waiting for? Take that step and you will be so glad you did!

Making coffee

Today was fun! I skipped out on my duties as a mother and housekeeper and spent the day at my coffee shop and worked on getting re-trained. My baristas were so sweet to not laugh at me. I mean it's been almost five years since I was initially trained in the ways of coffee, although I am always surrounded by coffee, it's one thing to drink it and see it and know it, but it's another thing to make it. I suppose that's how life is. My first attempts were kind of pathetic and steaming the milk was atrocious but spending time behind the bar and getting to know my employees was fun.

My life always seems to fill up so quickly with things that need to get done, things that I would really love to get done, and things I would like to do. I try to spread it all out but most of my time gets eaten up with things that need to get done and then piddly things I just want to do for fun but I never commit to them so everything is just half way done and sadly all the things I would really love to get done just keep piling up sitting in the corner eating away at me making me feel stressed. I would say getting behind the bar today was kind of a mixture of all three. I think it's important to make connections with others, getting to know my business better and it was entertaining. All-in-all a good day today!