The Birth Story of My Babies

Preface: This is the long version of my story and I am mostly posting this for myself. If you choose to read this there are some things I would like you to keep in mind. First: that I have pretty much no medical knowledge. I do refer to my own opinions of delivery but they are merely that, my opinions. I have read several books and studies but that is all. This is just my view of my deliveries. I'm sure that a dr., my midwife as well as my husband and family all have their own experiences. Second: that I am in no way disrespecting doctors and their hard work. and Third: that I am in no way disrespecting women that end up with c-sections whether by choice or not. I had one, I didn't like it, my opinion. Thank you!

I would say my story begins while pregnant with my first born. Here in America there is such a draw to know how the baby inside you is developing and what changes occur to you more than any other knowledge while pregnant. I found myself in this category. I spent most of my time learning how my baby was developing but no time spent on finding the right dr. for me or even what was best for my baby during delivery. In fact, I did not want to think about delivery because it frightened me. I assumed all dr.s were basically the same and that I would birth my baby the same as all my friends, which was induce and vaginally deliver.

My pregnancy with my first was riddled with many uncomfortable side effects, such as rashes, stretch marks, more than average amounts of amniotic fluid (over a gallon), PUPPS (pregnancy rash) and being pregnant during the hottest months of the year. I was so ready to not be pregnant any longer that I had no problems with my dr. wanting to induce me a week early since the sonogram showed my baby to be on the larger side. I went to the hospital, they hooked me up to every machine imaginable and began the pitocin. Five hrs later I was 5cm dilated and they told me that I should get my epidural and have my water broken to speed up the laboring process. I mentioned that in child birthing classes we had watched a video that said to wait until 7cm dilation because epidurals can cause a laboring woman to slow down in contractions. The nurses told me that was incorrect and that I should go ahead and get the epidural now because if I waited any longer I may not get one. Feeling pressured, I caved in and got the epidural. Shortly afterwards, the Dr. came in and broke my water. Several hours later I was checked and found to still be at 5cm so they increased the pitocin around 4pm. I was checked a few hours later and was 6cm dilated. They waited a little longer but then baby’s heart rate dropped so they cut off the pitocin and put an oxygen mask on me to try to bring baby’s heart rate to normal. It did not return to normal and around 7pm they decided to perform an emergency cesarean. I cried because I had heard that once you have a cesarean you always have to have a cesarean and I knew I wanted more children. Also I felt there was something wrong with me since I wasn’t able to have a normal birth.

They wheeled me into surgery. I was drugged up, and they quickly went to work getting the baby out. I felt the tugging and then I heard crying but I couldn’t see my baby. Several minutes passed as they cleaned her up and they wrapped her in a blanket and then quickly showed her to me and snapped a picture. I remember my husband asking me if it was alright if he went with baby to the nursery and I told him it was. After that I succumbed to the drugs and fell asleep. Next thing I remember was my arm burning and waking me up. I felt disoriented and confused. All I knew was that I was in pain. (It was the drug they added to my IV). Then they wheeled me out to where my family and friends were waiting for me. I don’t remember anything that happened but thankfully a friend had captured it all on video.

The following days are all a blur from a mixture of pain, drugs, exhaustion and the newness of having a baby. I felt estranged to my baby, which I thought was odd since I always thought I would have a strong motherly connection to my baby but it did not come. I had difficulty nursing my baby, she would not latch on correctly and I even had a lactation specialist come to help me. After being in the hospital for 5 days I was released to try and make it on my own. I felt scared and unsure. The following weeks and months were filled with pain from surgery and difficulty nursing. My baby wouldn’t latch on to nurse and I saw two lactation specialists. I ended up nursing, pumping, and supplementing with formula. My daughter didn’t gain back her birth weight until she was two months old and still had difficulty gaining weight.

As time passed I began to wonder why I had needed to cesarean. Playing the scenario over in my mind trying to make sense of it I began asking friends who were nurses in Labor & Delivery and even going to OBs to talk to them about it hoping I could make sense of it all. I never got an answer. But the questions still lurked in the back of my mind.

During my second pregnancy I knew I wanted my chance at a natural delivery, in this case called a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), but I didn’t know how to make sure I got one or at least make my chances better. I began by talking to my aunt who is an RN and a lactation specialist. She mentioned that I might want to use a doula or a midwife. She recommended a movie to watch “The Business of Being Born”. When I got home I got a copy and my husband and I watched it. We were amazed to see “our” birth story with our firstborn repeated several times of other mothers in the hospitals. They, like me, were tired of the system. They were tired of being treated like incubators that are in the way of getting the baby out as quickly as possible. It all made sense. We, the mothers, were on the Dr’s schedule not the Dr’s on our time as it should be. That is why I had a cesarean. Not because there was something wrong with me but because I had accepted all forms of interventions to “speed up” the delivery, which in turn caused me to end up needing a cesarean. At my next OB appointment I discussed with my dr. the possibility of a VBAC, which she said she allows. But as I began asking more questions I saw that she really only allowed VBACs if they went exactly as she wanted them to go. She said she would only allow the pregnancy to extend until 40 weeks and no further if it did I would have a c-section. I would not be allowed to labor at all at home and would have to come to the hospital as soon as I went into labor. Once in the hospital I would have to be put on an epidural with no possibility of being able to labor naturally. I knew if I stayed with my dr. I would most likely end up with a second c-section. It was time to explore my other options.

I met with a midwife through a friend and we discussed the birth of my firstborn. I told her what I wanted this time around and asked some questions. I felt very comfortable around her and decided to go see her. Once I made the choice to proceed with a homebirth. I borrowed several books about homebirth and natural birth. One in particular I found very helpful, Birthing From Within. It helped me to face any fears I might have about birthing (whether at home or the hospital). Thankfully I found myself surrounded by friends and family who were very supportive and prayed with me and for me. With them backing me up I felt even better about the homebirth. About a week before I had my baby one of my friends surprised me with a shower of a different kind. Several women had come to impart words of wisdom and encouragement for me as well as prayer and even a sweet song to my baby. What blessings they poured over my baby and me and I felt loved.

My due date was February 24^th and on February 25^th at 1am I began having contractions. They were not very consistent, ranging about six to fifteen minutes apart. Around 7am I called my midwife’s assistant to tell her about my contractions. She told me that once they were consistently five minutes apart to call her. All through the day the contractions stayed irregular. My midwife and assistant came to check on me with still little progress. I tried to sleep and rest but it was difficult. This wasn’t the labor I was expecting. The next day was more of the same. The contractions were making me feel on edge as well as tired. I started to feel that maybe I should just go and get a c-section because I at least know what to expect from that. One of my friends called me to encourage me and told me she had a friend who had a similar experience. Her friend called me to tell me her story. She had had two previous c-sections before having a homebirth. Before she gave birth she had experienced two days of pre-labor contractions and expressed to me her frustrations with them. She had considered going to the hospital but before giving up she tried a technique, which she explained to me and then her labor began resulting in a healthy delivery several hours later. The conversation made me feel hopeful! Once I got home I tried this technique, called pelvic rock (nothing dirty I promise!) for 2 hours. I got so tired that I was drifting in and out of conciseness. After two hours, 4-6pm, I had found that I was spotting or rather loosing my mucus plug.

Around 4am on February 27^th my contractions became much stronger and I knew things had changed. I called my midwife at 6:30am and they showed up at 7am. They checked me around 8am and I was 4cm dialated. Around 11am I was 6cm and got into the birthing pool. The birthing pool was amazing! The warm water cut the pain of labor by almost half and made laboring manageable for me. A few hours later I was about 7cm and they suggested that I get out of the pool to see if that would pick up my labor. I stayed out for about an hour and it was difficult. I dialated to 8cm and I got back into the pool. This was at 5pm. Around 7pm they checked me and I was 9cm dialated. I felt excited to be so far along but after a couple of hours I began to feel hopeless because of not progressing to pushing stage. My birthing team encouraged me that I must be in transition because of feeling hopeless and ready to give up. But why was I not getting any further? Why was I stuck in transition for hours? I had always read it generally lasted a short time (but there are no precise time guidelines in natural birth). When they checked me they noticed the baby’s head going up and down which meant the head was not engaged therefore not putting enough pressure to completely dialate me. My midwife noticed that my contractions were still manifesting as back labor and came to the conclusion that my baby was posterior. They had me get out of the pool (about 9:30pm and I was exhausted) and get on the bed and do a variation of pelvic rocks to get the baby to turn. It felt like torture to be in the position and having the contractions. I stayed like this for about half an hour and then I moved to my side for a half hour. No change. I felt like I was going to die. I honestly believe if I had been better rested and better prepared for this mind game of extreme pain and exhaustion I could have endured and kept laboring at home. Baby was healthy and I was healthy. I was just tired. My midwife saw that I was tired and not dealing with the pain well and suggested that I be transported to the hospital. At that point I was just ready to not feel pain, no matter at what end, so I agreed. She prepared me for what was going to happen during the transport and what would happen in the hospital. She let me know that the doctors would want to take me directly to surgery to have a c-section and what I would say in response. We all prayed that it wouldn’t come to that.

As I got dressed the paramedics arrived (around 11pm). The ride was bumpy and I felt out of my comfort zone completely. I had been surrounded by people I knew and in my comfortable pool and now big gruff men surrounded me and I had to get through my contractions on my own. I didn’t know what to expect any more. Labor had gone nothing like I had expected. I was sad but also tired and in pain. Once I got to the hospital all I could think of was how long it would take to get an epidural. The nurse was sweet and walked me through my contractions. The dr. came to assess me and I was back to 4cm. Of course the dr. didn’t know that I had been at 9cm. She just knew that I told her I started contractions at 4am and she knew I had been working with a midwife. She distrusted the midwife and she wanted to take me to surgery but I asked her to let me labor as long as baby and myself were doing well. Thankfully she agreed. (Side note: I’m not sure why how long I’ve been laboring means I should have a c-section instead of just looking at the health of both baby and momma.) I asked that my birthing team be allowed into my room with my husband and me. I’m not sure when I got my drugs since time had no meaning any longer but I remember thinking I was both grateful and sad at the same time. I was grateful for not having the pain and being able to rest but sad that I hadn’t been strong enough to do without them.

My midwife and team said that while I was asleep around 2am they could hear on the fetal monitor the baby moving so that she was no longer in a posterior position. Every 2-3 hours the dr. would check on me and ask to break my water, which I asked her if we could wait. Finally at 7cm I got “stuck” or slowed down and I gave my consent to break my water. Next time they checked on me I was 9cm. They waited a little longer for me to get to 10cm but it never happened so the dr. came in and manually opened me and I pushed to get my baby past that point. Around 10am I got ready to push. I noticed my epidural was wearing off and I was in a hurry to get my baby into my arms. I pushed but the nurse noticed the baby’s head was stuck behind a bone so she consulted with a dr. and came back to me to have me lay on my side and push. Once I got into position I pushed for a short time and got my baby past the bone and I reverted back to pushing on my back. After an hour of pushing I could feel a faint burning sensation and then I felt my baby move out of me and they laid her on my chest. (Before pushing I had informed the dr. that I didn’t want an episotime which she agreed to. Also we informed her that we didn’t know the gender of my baby and my midwife asked them not to announce the gender so that we could just see for ourselves.) At first I was just so overwhelmed with the beauty of my baby and that she was finally here that I didn’t even think of looking to see if she were a boy or a girl. Baby stayed with me for over an hour. I got to nurse her and introduce her to her new family, including her big sister. The whole experience was amazing. This was the experience I had wanted, even needed to have with my first but did not get. This experience healed me, made me grow. I appreciate that the dr. and her team worked with me that that I could have a VBAC. I may not have been able to have my homebirth I had been planning and dreaming of but this experience was still good. The hospital even allowed me to go home with my baby the same day!

Without the support of my family, friends, midwife and the Lord I wouldn’t have had the same outcome. Sadly, too many doctors are afraid of lawsuits and jump the gun on cesareans leaving many women feeling like failures. After having my first child via c-section I was depressed but didn’t realize why until I read the book mentioned above. I believe the birthing experience is something that has been built into us by our Maker. It’s true sometimes doctors do need to intervene with certain procedures and surgeries but in the instance of cesareans I think they are occurring too often. There is an abundance of research showing that the US is the only developed country with such high cesarean rates. Hopefully doctors and women will work together to get back to how God intended birth to be. Please don’t fear the birthing process. Yes it can be painful, yes is can be a little scary, and yes it is unpredictable but the beauty is that you have to place your trust in the Lord. My midwife showed me a beautiful scripture.

1 Timothy 2:15 But women will be saved through childbearing – if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

She shares: …going through childbirth can bring us closer to God than we could ever imagine as long as we turn to God and put our trust in Him. In this way, childbirth “saves” us… Every woman faces fear before or during childbirth. Each woman’s fears may vary in degree… When we look at all of God’s other childbearing creatures they do not face fear during childbirth. So why is it that only humans seem to fear giving birth? I believe it is because we are sinners who have lost our instinctual trust in God. But when women of faith put their trust in God who is their creator and who loves them, they lose their fears… I believe it is that trust that removes the fear of childbirth.

Added recently: It has now been two months since the birth of my daughter and I have recently seen my midwife and she has told me that the dr. that delivered my baby is now eager to work with midwives. My midwife has had a chance to speak with a few drs and interns to help them see her as a professional and is taking some much needed steps to improving prenatal and delivery care in the South Texas Area. I am astounded by her strength, knowledge, skill and love. She loves what she does and is strong enough to do it. As much negative attention that I got for proceeding with a homebirth she must deal with that negativity daily. So before spreading malicious stories of homebirths I challenge you to do your research. For when I began to do my research I was amazed to see how healthy and safe it really is.